LINK VS ASH
by Dark Sheikah
Summary: Who will win in this terrifying battle of Zelda dudes vs. Pokemon imbeciles? I am also one of the writers of Carrotstix, so they let me keep this when they retired. Its a classic! :D
1. INTRO TO BATTLENESS

LINK VS. ASH  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Zelda unfortunately and thank the lord I don't own pokemon I think I would have shot myself by now.  
  
We have to get this straight there are two authors here we write these stories together and when combined we create the ultimate being: CARROT STIX!!!!!!  
  
Chapter 1  
  
One day, Ash was walking down the street with a dorky smile on h is face (also with Chinese man and spiky hair girl) and he suddenly stopped.  
  
Ash: Did you see that!?!?  
  
Brock: NO!! My eyes were glued shut in the fourth grade when we were using paper mache!  
  
Misty: do you mean to say you cant see anything even those pretty girls?  
  
Brock: No, I imagine them. ::sigh::  
  
Ash: ummmm like ewwwww TMI.  
  
Misty: Anywaaaays..  
  
Brock: so ashy washy what did you seey weey  
  
Ash: Not you...  
  
Misty: Fortunately..  
  
Brock: well......................  
  
Ash: a man in a green cloak  
  
Link: oh crap he saw me  
  
Navi: tunic little spiky haired hat boy it is a tunic that link here is wearing  
  
Ash: he should where the same black shirt with a blue jacket with the same exact jeans every day like me.  
  
Misty: Or my-  
  
Link: Shut up you overgrown monkey!  
  
Misty: I prefer staryu  
  
Navi: nice.  
  
Link: what the @#$%^&* is a @#$%^&ing staryu?  
  
Ash: ::running around in circles wailing loudly:: PROFANITY! PROFANITY! THE GREEN BOY USED PROFANITY!  
  
Brock: * Beats ash with pikachu over the head* (A.N. amazing aim for a man who cant see a #$%^&* thing.)  
  
Ash: ANIMAL ABUSE! ANIMAL ABUSE! BROCK IS DOING ANIMAL ABUSE!  
  
Link: I'll give you animal abuse when I cut off that #$^%^&*%TTYU$%^&$%#$%^&*( yellow thingys head  
  
Ash: NOT PIKACHU!! GO POKEMON!! I CHOOSE YOU! PIKACHU!!!!!!!! GO!!! FIGHT!! WIN!! ::goes into a severely retarded cheerleader cheer::  
  
Pikachu with a stunning attack for the neck is easily knocked aside by the awesome, muscular, extremely cool, breathtaking, remarkable, awe-inspiring, astounding, out of this world, spectacular, beefy, brawny, beyond belief, incredible (we could go on and on but ya know pikachu has been soo patient) HERO OF TIME!!!!! ::Cheering and clapping followed by a standing ovation and praise and glory and superiority and a loud hallelujah from the non- existent crowd::  
  
Eventually,  
  
Ash: * summons his S.S. army of pokemon fighters  
  
Link: * captures 20 million pokemon and distributes them to his highly untrained followers and friends that he so quickly and gracefully summoned  
  
Brock: mommy I'm scared  
  
Misty: shut up you fool  
  
Misty: why are you scared you cant even see whats going on  
  
Brock: I'm afraid of the dark  
  
Ash: FOOOOOL!!  
  
Misty: ::with emotion:: You must overcome your fears. Face them Brock. Do not be afraid any longer! You are released from the dark fear from the intensity of your blindness!!  
  
Brock: ::sorta like on Emperor's New Groove, Cronk style:: Oh. I can feel it.  
  
Misty: good now get a life and take a hike  
  
Navi: that was brutal  
  
Ash: LOOK BROCK! PRETTY GIRLS IN THE DIRECTION OF THE DARKEST PART OF YOUR EYELIDS!!  
  
Brock: GOT IT!!! *runs over the horizon into a nuclear weapons silo.*  
  
Misty: yes that's it brock just keep running you can outrun the darkness I swear just keep running and never come back  
  
Brock: * crying the water fountain cry* you are all so good to me do not forget my cause " blind men sharpshooting competitions in the 3004 Olympics for super glued eyes closed men in the fourth grade while paper macheing"  
  
Ash: Yeah, we won't. *takes out a 2x4 and snips out Brock and nails him just before he makes it over the hill.  
  
Misty: Well, that was a waste of flesh.  
  
Navi: *mutters * yeah especially since there's a 300,000,000,000,000,000,0000,0000,000,0000,0000,0000,000,000,001 foot cliff into a lava pit just over that hill he was heading over.  
  
Link: You all amaze me.  
  
Ash: weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelll now that that's over with * enlarges his pokeball and sicks the...(find out next time on THE BATTLE SHOW DOWN EXTREME GIVE IT UP ASHY BOY WE ALL KNOW YOU HAVE NO CHANCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Please please please review.why? Because we want you to so please review and remember no flames please the demon pikachu is hungry..okay yeah whatever just review will you 


	2. LINK VS ASH PHASE 2

LINK V.S. ASH PHASE 2  
  
Disclaimer: we don't own Zelda or pokemon, get over it  
  
Sorry it took so long to update but lisa and I have to get together before we can write our chapters so don't get discouraged if it takes forever for us to update.  
  
~ LINK V.S. ASH PHASE 2 ~  
  
Ash: I SUMMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNN SQUIRTLLLLLEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Ash: WHA HA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA thee shalt not SURVIVE  
  
Link: Come forth Weedle!!!!!! Attack the spiky haired boy and his.fish.thing.  
  
Ash: If you look on the page 5x + 2x = yx of the pokedex memory you shall receive information on the "squirtle" and you will find that it is a turtle pokemon NOT a fish, also on page 2,45--- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH MY SQUIRTLE HAS BEEN GUTTED, HIS INTESTINES HAVE BEEN INDULGED, AND HIS STOMACH HAS BEEN TURNED INSIDE OUT, EXPOSING THE PARTLY DIGESTED "BROCKS POKEMON FOODTM" *THAT WOULD EXPAIN THE THE PUTRID ODOR* HIS SPLEEN HAS BEEN TERMINATED AND HIS BLADDER BEEN PARTLY ERRODED BY HIS GASTRIC JUICES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND NOBLE GASES ARE WAFTING FROM HIS LUNGS!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Link: *takes abnormally large kidney stones from the rotting carcass* these shalt serve as efficient slingshot ammo.  
  
Link * nails pikachu in the eye sufficiently exploding the inner bowels* just in case he really wasn't dead. don't want any surprises now do we  
  
Ash: PIKACHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU'S CARCASSSSSSSS YOU ARE DISRESPECTFULLLLL TO MY FALLEN FRIEND, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWW I MUST GET REVENGE FOR PIKACHU'S SAAAAAAAAAKKEEEEE  
  
Link: Put a sock in it.  
  
Ash: must.kill..must.brutally..vanquish.  
  
Link: You should learn to accept defeat. Pokemon training obviously takes a skill that you do not possess. Myself being a professional, even though I started today but I am still the master.  
  
DON'T MISS PHASE 3 MISTY V.S. SARIA!!!!!!!!! STAY TUNNEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD OR I SHALT KILL.  
  
A.N. Thank you soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much for the reviews!!! You are all soooo kind. WE LOVE YOU FOR THE REVIEWS SO PLEASE REVIEW MORE, MORE, AND A LOT MORE!!!!!!!! 


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